Snow Angel
by Shimmer329
Summary: Bella has returned to a place she's run away from, a place that holds pain&heartbreak from the past. She visits Dr. Carlisle Cullen in an attempt to salvage her heart&mind. One session, one winter storm, and there she meets the doctor's son, Edward Cullen
1. Winter Song

***I do not own Twilight, we all to SM does. But this new world of Bella&Edward is mine =)**

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"What's been on your mind lately?"

I kept silent, there was no way to fully answer that question. My mind runs rampant with thoughts that I would trade my life in to avoid ever encountering again- flashes of my damaged childhood, images of the sullen look on my father, lingering feelings of the longing for my mother who I only have a faint memory of reaching my hand out to, only to be met with the face of her back as she put on a red coat and walked out into the white, mystifying snow.

"Bella?" his voice awoke me from my trance. Even in his presence I can't get myself to relinquish the pile of emotions that have resided in me for that past twenty- two years.

I gazed out through the glass wall in his office that serves as a window to the outside world. It's snowing, just like the day she decided to leave, just like the day I, too, decided to leave behind Bella Swan. Now, I sit here wishing that I never left, wondering if I had held on just for a moment longer, maybe I would have survived. I would have survived the storm, I would have survived the biting cold, I would have survived the burning pain that etches throughout the body after the numbness fades. But that's just my thinking, another one of my incontrollable thoughts.

"It seems like it'll never stop doesn't it?" I turned my head, and then my entire body to face him. "The snow, I mean," he smiled, trying to get me to sense that I should be comfortable, unguarded.

"Yeah…" I didn't have many words for him. But I had called this meeting. There must be a good foot of snow piling up outside, yet he didn't think for another second before he told me to come see him. "The snow is… unpredictable I suppose."

He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees before clasping his hands together. "My wife loves the snow. It always reminds her of our children playing in the snow when they were younger. Up until they went away to college they still had snow ball fights and I'd always come home to a giant snow man in front of our house."

He must have a beautiful family. The kind that everyone dreams of yet life tries to prove otherwise that it's impossible, that television shows rarely show anymore in exchange for useless drama to capture audiences. Unknowingly, a tentative smile formed on my much too lifeless face.

"Esme, right?" I remembered her name, he spoke of her before, ever so lovingly.

His picturesque smile returned, almost permanently it seemed, as I said her name. "Yes, I've mentioned her before haven't I?" I silently nodded my head, "She told me she's seen you before, at a local book store I believe… it was when we first moved here, you worked there?"

I stiffened at the thought of someone recognizing me, remembering who I was. I am not who I was then, much less anyone now.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to startle you with that comment, my wife is not a stalker I promise you," he chuckled. "It's just she frequents that place often, it was the first place to make her feel home here, she just recognized that you were there all the time I suppose." He must have noted my tenseness as I unsuccessfully tried to seem relaxed and thoughtless.

"I very rarely discuss my patients with anyone, let alone my family, it's just… you reminded me of how she was back then… Esme, she was such a radiant being, she still is, but you could tell there was an emptiness behind her beauty. She let go of her pain, she just didn't know how to fill the void that was left afterwards."

All too soon, the atmosphere took to a different direction, one I'd been avoiding ever since I sat down on the soft, blue couch in his office. Everything was in order to my eyes, the lighting was well lit, furniture stylishly placed, desk neatly organized. Such an irony to what actually goes on in the room, unfathomable and painfully intricate stories of people's lives told within these confined walls that leave them unguarded for a mere hour or two.

I could hear the wind gusting outside. What had I been thinking dragging him outside, having to leave his family home and in this weather? I wasn't thinking, I was convulsing on the bathroom floor after looking into the mirror for all about five seconds before tearing my eyes away, unable to stare into the dark, solemn circles beckoning me to fill the emptiness within. And now, knowing that the doctor knew me better than I knew myself… knowing he saw some connection between me and someone else he loves and understands so deeply… it's a bit overwhelming. So I did the only thing I knew how, to try to escape from something I placed myself in. "Dr. Cullen, I'm sorry for having you see me in this kind of situation outside… I mean with the snow outside and all… I just, I was just panicked for a moment and I have no idea why but it's fine now. I.. I think you should go home now or something-"

"Bella, please, call me Carlisle. And don't worry, the snow will calm soon, I've been in Forks long enough to 'weather the storm' if you will. Not used to being back in town yet?" he asked, not realizing how I'd never get used to being in this town. I've always felt out of place, yet this is where I supposedly called my hometown.

"No… I guess not." I shrugged. I gazed downward, avoiding his glance.

"Well then why don't we start our topic for today there. Your return. What made you come back to a place that holds such painful memories for you?" He hit the jackpot, but I wasn't able to hand him the prize yet.

"Technically speaking… I'm not really back in town. I've just been staying with my friend Rose. She lives closer to the city… and I don't think I'm ready to see _him_ yet."

"Your father, you mean?" I couldn't bring myself to say the word, I'd been so detached from him, it just didn't seem right to call him something that held no meaning for me anymore. I could barely bring myself to say his name… _Charlie_.

It's been sitting on the back of my head that Dr. Carlisle could very well know my father. In a small town like Forks, everyone met everyone at one point or another. And with my last name… I wondered why he hadn't said anything yet, made the connection that my dad was the Chief of Police in Forks. Perhaps he didn't know, he'd only lived here for about a few years, and I wouldn't guess he had any reason to call the police.

"You… might know him. He's-"

"Chief Swan?" I jerked my head up, staring at him inquisitively to which he only offered a warm smile in return. "I hadn't known he had a daughter. I figured just as much, but I didn't want to startle you or push you over the edge with only presumptions."

"I'm not much of a daughter, I guess he has no reason to bring up that fact either." I whispered.

"He's a good man. And you've been through more than a person should go though in a life time in your first twenty-two years." I shivered slightly, letting out a shaky breath.

He sighed and continued, "I don't usually like to say this to people, but I know what you're thinking. And you need to stop. Stop reasoning, or trying to find a reason, for now at least. I've always been honest with you Bella, and I believe for as long as we've had these sessions you've been honest, but not completely open. Just tell me how you feel, no need to filter anything when you're in here. There's no way to rationalize the harsh things in life by reasoning with them. And you can't shut yourself out until you find a reason for your place in life and why you've been through the things you have, why you think the way you do, the thoughts that run through your mind. You don't need to explain yourself to everyone, you are the way you are. You are unbelievably strong, and behind that broken front you put up is someone who can light up an entire room just by being who she is. Just don't be afraid to break out of that dark place you've etched yourself into."

It almost sounded like a plea, had it not been for the fact that he spoke with such professional grace yet it was so heartfelt. I had no words for him. I've heard it all before, sad as it is, and I never looked back on those people as I walked out on them because I knew they couldn't help me beyond that point, it would all have to be my doing and I couldn't bring myself to do anything more. I couldn't sit and talk to them anymore looking at their faces that plastered sympathy and disappointment knowing they had failed to help me, there was nothing more to do. So I did everyone a favor, I walked out and looked for the next person that might be willing to sit through the same scenarios again. And eventually, I stopped looking. I was just a burden, even on myself but I took it as punishment. But something about this time… something felt slightly different. Perhaps I, too, became sick and tired of dealing with myself and ready to move on.

I fidgeted with my hands, dreadfully avoiding what I would have to do yet again. I really liked Carlisle, he was the only one that's brought me out this far. It really was too bad I would only recoil back to my unsustainable sanity in the dark hole that I've caved into. "I think I should g-"

I was cut off by the ringing of the telephone on his desk. He looked toward his desk then back at me, a silent question of whether I'd mind or not.

A couple rings later, I gave him a nod signaling that he should answer the telephone.

"Dr. Cullen. Oh son, no I'm meeting with someone right now. The snow… oh well that might be a problem. That would be a good idea I suppose… Alright, well then I'll see you soon." He hung up and gave me a worried look which quickly turned into a smile.

"It looks like the snow really doesn't want to stop. I'm afraid we'll be trapped in this office if we don't head out soon. Apparently some roads are closing down as well. It'll be hard getting anywhere if you have to head out of this town."

I looked out the window and it seemed like an insane blizzard was making its presence known. Clearly, I had no escape this time around to save Carlisle from my dead end point. "Um… well I'm sure I could just stay in the local motel for a night or until they clear the roads." I was literally stranded and alone… in my hometown… where I was supposed to have a home to find shelter in… no that was Charlie's.

"Oh gosh, no. That place is horrid." I quirked my eyebrows in response wondering when the hell Carlisle had visited the town motel…

"Stories, uh word seems to spread around fast in this town… and from what I've heard I don't think you'd even want to put a foot down in one of those rooms," he chuckled.

Well then… I guess I could hang out in at the café down the street until the storm clears a bit. _No that's where he always goes to eat. _My body stiffened at the thought of bumping into my own father. How wrong it is, that I'm still trying to avoid him, in his own town… that's just so vain.

I laughed dryly at the thought, I really had nowhere to go. "Um… then I guess I don't have a choice but to fight mother nature with what little ungodly force I have with me and try to head home."

I'd never felt so out of place… nowhere to find comfort and warmth in the midst of a storm like this… Perhaps I never could have won over the storm if I'd stayed then…

My thoughts were interrupted by Carlisle clearing his throat, "Hmm, I hope you don't take this the wrong way Bella but there really isn't anywhere to go to weather the storm except… well your house if you live here but you don't…" I bit my bottom lip waiting for him to continue, though I already knew that first part. "Believe me, I'm from Chicago and I don't think I've seen a storm quite like this in a while, and they're brutal. And I think my wife might just kill me if I told her I let my best patient drive out of town in this kind of weather. Please, you can stay over at our house at least until the snow calms down and they start clearing the roads."

I was speechless. Here was my psychiatrist offering me to stay at his home because I clearly had nowhere else to go. Only in Forks. "Um… I could call my friend Rose. She has a truck and it's probably much more sturdy than my car. I'm sure she's wondering where I am by now," I scrambled for my phone which must have been somewhere in my purse, I don't know whe-

Both Carlisle and I looked up as there were two distinct knocks on his door. He must be expecting someone because he didn't seem nearly as surprised as I was that anyone would be here besides us. "That's probably my son." There was another knock, or more like obnoxious rhythmic beats drumming on the door. "Or sons… both of them must be here. Excuse the obnoxious knocking, it's Emmett, my oldest," he spoke as he walked toward the door and opened it to reveal two eye strikingly gorgeous men standing before him. One had short blonde hair, extremely… big… a goofy grin on his face as he held a fist up in mid air, clearly he was the one knocking.

"Seriously Emmett? He has a fucking patient in his office." My attention turned toward the other man standing at the door glaring at the person who I guessed by now was Emmett. I stared curiously at him, the man with bronze-gold hair tussled a bit too much, piled on top of his porcelain smooth looking skin to a masterpiece sculptured face. And his physique matched well, tall and toned in all the right places I suppose, but I wouldn't really know. A mysterious, electrifying vibe I sensed drew me to him, but I didn't trust myself to think any further.

I jerked as a felt someone place their hand on my shoulder. Carlisle smiled down at me, "Bella I'm sorry for the interruption, but these are my sons." I must have dazed off yet again. I looked up and caught the eye of the mystery man. His name… did Carlisle ever say his name?

"Hello, I'm Edward," he smiled tentatively, it kind of felt like he read my mind at the moment.

"Hey! How's it goin' I'm big E, or you can just call me Emmett," the goofy childlike smile returned.

I gazed up at Carlisle and smiled, slowly standing up and straightening out my shirt. "Hi, I'm Isabella Swa-…" I stopped myself right there, caught off guard by the professional mannerism I was so used to back east where my identity didn't matter. But in this town, my name meant everything. "Um, Bella. Just…Bella." I let out somewhat of a nervous laugh or a huff it sounded more like, trying to regain my composure again.

"Well just Bella, it's nice to meet you but we should all get going like now before we get snowed in." Everyone seemed to nod in agreement except me. I still had no idea where I was supposed to be.

"Bella please, don't hesitate. We'd be delighted to house you for the night or however long. Come, let's all head out shall we?" Carlisle grabbed his coat and car keys and I stared at him, a bit dumbfounded but I started to put on my coat and grabbed my bag as we all headed out to the parking lot.

As we stepped outside, my lack of balance kicked right in as I immediately slipped and fell backwards until I felt someone quickly grasp onto me. I gasped as I landed right into his arms and my head was on his chest. "Are you okay?"

I could feel my cheeks burning up, turning into an intense shade of red. Well fuck me over. Looking down at me were the most beautiful, glistening, green eyes with a tint of worry added into the mix with eyebrows furrowed. I quickly attempted to stand back up, steadying my balance. "Ye-yeah, I'm fine. Thank you," I smiled and slipped my hands out of his.

"You should be careful, it's getting quite slippery on the roads and everywhere," he added.

"Yo Eddie! Drive Bella to our house, Dad's taking his car and I'm taking the jeep back. I don't suppose Bella could find our house so drive her car. I'll see you two over there!" Emmett yelled from across the parking lot. Carlisle waved and gave Edward a nod. Apparently Carlisle and Emmett had long gone off to their cars while I was too busy slipping and being my usual clumsy self. I've always wondered if my mind wasn't so far off thinking about other things, worrying about anything and everything all the time, perhaps I'd have more focus on my coordination and well… maybe I'd have a chance of not being such a klutz all the time. But- woah, wait what? Did he just say that Edward was going to drive me to their house?

Edward was staring at me, waiting for me to head to my car I suppose. I felt my cheeks flush yet again. God this is going to be long drive isn't it… "Shall we?" he gestured toward the lone car in the parking lot.

And then there were two.

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**A/N: Any thoughts? Thanks for reading, please review =)**


	2. Show Me What I'm Looking For

**A/N: Ok, I don't know what came over me. I planned on studying but I just ended up spending the entire night/morning writing this. Quite productive huh? Lol. Please review guys, and most of all enjoy. **

**~B~**

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**Chapter 2**

I somehow managed to walk across the parking lot and I now stood in front of my car, searching for my car keys, in the freezing cold blizzard. This is ridiculous.

"There in here somewhere…" I scrambled through my bag yet again and finally felt the cold metal of the keys, "Oh here they are." I quickly unlocked the car and almost went in the driver's side when I saw his eyes land on me from the corner of my eye and he had smirk on his face.

"Do you know where to go?" I froze in place and once again felt the heat blazing on my cheeks. He walked over to the driver side and opened the door, motioning for me to sit in the passenger seat. I cautiously walked over, finally looking up when I realized I was a mere inches from his body. My breath caught in my throat as I took in his flawless beauty, wondering for the life of me why I was acting the way I was. The jingle of the keys in my hand brought me back from the trance of this green-eyed beauty. "Ah yes, the keys I need those don't I," he smiled. Something about him… but what? He gently grasped the keys from my hands, causing our hands to touch for the tiniest fraction of a second. I suddenly took in a gasp of air, surprised by the gentle brush of his hand, soft with a touch of coolness… "We're going to freeze out here if we don't head out soon you know?"

I was utterly dumbfounded by own actions, I do not know what came over me. Perhaps the fact that my doctor's son is driving me to his house might have something to do with it. "Oh…right. Sorry." I finally settled myself in the passenger seat as he close the door for me. He went around and slid into the driver side and started the car. He slowly pulled out of the parking lot, cautious of the slippery roads. I hoped to god that my car would make it. Well actually it was Rose's, her sports car. I haven't had a chance to purchase my own car yet but Rose had two so she let me use one of hers. Of course, the one day I don't take the truck _this_ happens. She just might kill me if anything happened to this car. Oh shoot, I need to call Rose.

I was reaching into my bag for my cell phone when his smooth, velvety voice stopped me, "So, I'm guessing you're not from here?"

I couldn't help the sarcastic laugh that escaped, "I wish. I grew up here actually. But I moved away a couple years ago…" more like _ran_ away.

"No family here anymore?" he looked at me for a second before diverting his attention back on the road.

"Yeah I guess could say that," I sighed, looking out the window at the white winter land.

I took out my phone and turned it back on. It immediately buzzed causing me to jump slightly. The caller ID read _Rosalie_.

"Hey Rose, are you okay? Is the snow really bad over there too?"

"_Bella! Where the hell are you? You can't be driving that car in this kind of weather. God, I was worried sick!" she was yelling through the phone._

"Ow, okay don't yell. I went to see Dr. Cullen… I kind of had a…" I glanced over at Edward, realizing he was still a stranger to me as I am to him. "I just had an appointment with him."

"_Are you on your way home? A lot of the roads are closing and I don't know if I can pick you up. Are you stuck there? Oh gosh… I just should have stayed home today with you and-"_

I cut her off before she could say anymore, "Rose, I'm fine. I kind of can't get out of here yet so Dr. Cullen offered me to stay at his house until the snow calms down and the roads open up again. Though I'm not sure when that'll be…"

She scuffed, _"He what?! So you're heading over to your psychiatrist's house because it's not enough seeing him in his office every other day. Oh man, only in Forks."_

I chuckled at her response, because that's what I'd thought initially as well. "Look I'm sure the snow will calm down soon… hopefully. But hey on the upside, being with my psychiatrist and all maybe I won't go crazy and I'd still get my meds." I tried to lighten the mood, but it was kind of true at the same time. But I think I noticed Edward tense up a little… maybe my joke was a little too extreme.

She sighed, _"Alright you. Enough with the jokes. I'm only letting you head over there and not stealing a snow mobile to pick you up because my dad assured me the Dr. Cullen is not a crazy when he recommended him. Actually I met him a couple times at one of those doctors' family get-together party things that my dad dragged me to. He was really nice actually. He has this like picture perfect family, it's kind of intimidating. Do you if they're home? All his kids? God I remember that Emmett, the oldest, I swear my dad was trying to set me up with him. I mean shouldn't he have learned from setting me up with Royce last time to just leave me alone? Though I have to admit, Emmett had a nice body… but a total … ugh I dunno, he just looked like he wanted to get some."_ I giggled and stole a quick glance at Edward wondering if he thought I was really crazy by now. I could've sworn I saw a corner of his lips go up a little… a crooked smile that he was trying to hold back?_ "Oh but his other son was really nice and polite. I think his name was like Edward or something? He didn't really talk much, I think he kind of just kept to himself." _I saw Edward glance toward my direction again. Was he eavesdropping? Could he hear her? _"Oh yeah and he also has a daughter, holy cow she's so perky and tinnnnny. Kind of reminded me of a pixie." _Edward started coughing, or I don't know it sort of sounded like a covered up laugh… I was really starting to get suspicious that he could hear what Rose was saying.

"Alright, alright. I think I have enough info to carry me through the day Miss Gossip Girl. I'll call you later or if I'm having problems with the car or something."

"_Fine. Be careful. The roads are pretty slippery so focus on the roads-wait a minute, are you driving right now? You know where the Cullens live?" _

Right, about that… "Um… actually I'm not… Edward is…" I cringed a little, waiting for the outburst from the other end.

"_Woah, what?! Edward's in the car with you? Wait how? Where? When? Hello? Did he hear what I was saying? Isabella Swan, if you're smart I better not be on speaker phone." _Oh what a panicker she is.

Edward turned his head toward the window and okay I definitely heard a little chuckle this time. Was the volume on my phone that loud… I quickly set it on the lowest level.

"Rose calm down," I practically whispered though I don't know what I was trying to pipe down when clearly Rose was the one blabbing, "I'll tell you about it later. Igottagobye," I hung up before she could say anything else. I let out a deep breath that I wasn't even aware that I was holding in.

I turned my head to Edward and asked, "Were you listening to our conversation?"

Edward continued to gaze out onto the road leading up to the middle of nowhere it seemed like. "Nothing I didn't know already Isabella Swan," he smiled to himself, I wondered what was running through his mind.

"How did you-" before I could complete my thought, the car came to a stop.

"We're here." He opened the door, stepping out of the car. I was still left dumbfounded in my seat wondering how the hell he could hear that well. Then I looked up and saw a beautiful, gigantic white house which seemed like it was straight out of a movie especially now covered in snow. There were Christmas decorations on the windows and a giant snowman in the front yard, just like Carlisle said. The door on my side suddenly opened and I realized Edward was standing there waiting for me to get out. "Planning on coming out anytime soon?"

I bit my lip, a constant nervous habit, and fumbled with the seatbelt buckle a little bit before unlatching it. I was about to step out of the car when Edward offered his hand and adding, "Just in case you slip again."

I practically rolled my eyes as I felt my cheeks flush again, begging to God that perhaps the cold air might cool it down. I wondered how many times Edward had seen me blush by now, in about half an hour of meeting. "Thanks…" I hesitantly placed my hand in his as he wrapped his fingers around mine, securing his hold. _The heat of my hands against the coolness of his… _I slowly stepped out of the car with my purse in my other hand, clutching onto it for dear life, hoping that my legs won't give out from his touch.

He shut the door behind me and gently let go of my hand. "Here, this way." He pointed towards the little pathway leading up to the front door, allowing me to go first while he walked closely behind most likely thinking I might slip and fall again. He was about to ring the door bell when the door suddenly opened revealing a small… pixie sort of statured girl with short spiky hair in a sweater dress.

"I knew you'd be here," she smiled. Was she talking about me? Does everyone in this family have some sort of a super sensory kind of crap? Super hearing and now super sensing… "Come in, come in!" I looked toward Edward for some sort of a response and he only seemed to be trying to hold back a laugh. Was my expression really that bewildered?

"Go on in, I'm just going to park your car in the garage." Oh, that's probably a smart idea.

"Um, okay. Thank you," I looked at him one last time before he walked off towards the garage (maybe more like a car showcase room, it seemed way bigger than a simple "garage") to open it and then headed over to the car. I walked in the house, the warmth seemed to blast all around me.

"Here let me get your coat," the pixie lady already started to taking my coat off of me. Ok… overly enthusiastic… perhaps this is the daughter Rose was talking about.

"Oh, um, thanks. I… I'm Bella. Dr. Cullen's…" do I say patient? I don't really want to sound like a psychotic person in need of help.

"I know. Hi I'm Alice!" she smiled and grabbed my hand and shook it.

"Oh good you've finally made it." Carlisle emerged down the staircase with a beautiful and elegant looking woman in his arms.

"You must be Bella, I'm Esme. It's nice to finally meet you." Oh right, Carlisle's told her about me… I suppose it's only fair considering he's told me of her.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you too," I smiled, feeling a bit nervous being surrounded by an increasing number of Cullens it seemed like. Way too many good looking people in this house…

"Please make yourself at home, there's plenty of food in the kitchen and the big screens in the living room over there though Emmett might be hogging it watching football or something," she laughed. "There's also a guest room set up if you're tired at all or just want to escape from this crazy house hold altogether considering you can't run out in weather like this," I couldn't help but keep the smile on my face, something about her made me feel warm, something about this whole house…

"Thank you so much, I'm sorry I'm being such an inconvenience to you all. I should've known about the weather and all-"

I stopped rambling when I heard a door close swiftly from somewhere then I heard movement, footsteps from behind me.

"I put the car in the garage, it should be safe from the snow now," I turned around and saw Edward take off his jacket revealing a form-fitting black, cashmere sweater. I quickly looked elsewhere, hoping to avoid yet another round of blushing. "Your keys," he handed me my keys and I took them from his hands, carefully avoiding contact but failing miserably as my hands trembled and brushed the palm of his hand sending a shiver down my spine.

Esme's voice brought me down from my high. My high? What, was I getting high off of Edward now? "Don't even worry about it Bella. No one could've predicted this kind of weather, even in Forks. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me sweetheart," she glowed with her warming smile and patted my arm before walking off towards the kitchen.

"Shall continue talking Bella? We could go into my office and talk if you want," Carlisle offered, ever so observant about my needs.

"Oh well actually, could I just take a break for a little bit? I don't know I'm kind of…" I fidgeted with my hands and my upper teeth dragged in my bottom lip.

"That's no problem. Did you want to make use of the guest room?"

I smiled, silently thanking him for understanding me. I needed some time to myself, time to think over the past few hours, and now with the snow and being in an unfamiliar place with people I didn't know… I need to breathe and calm myself down. "That'd be great. Um… is it upstairs?"

I suddenly became aware of the whispering from behind me. Alice and Edward seemed to be in an intense bickering session about something until Alice spoke up earning a glare from Edward, "Edward will show you where the room is Bella," she giggled. "I'm gonna go help mom in the kitchen. It was really nice meeting you, I'll see you later!" it sounded like she was sure of it too.

Alice ran off towards the direction Esme headed to earlier and left Edward standing there running his hands through his hair.

"Well then I guess Edward will show you where the room is then," Carlisle chuckled. "I'll see you in a little bit Bella. Find me in the office over there if you need me," he pointed towards a room to the right, near the staircase and walked into the room closing the French doors behind him.

"The room's upstairs," Edward said as he motioned for me to head up the stairs first. "Ladies first," more like clumsy people like me first…

I carefully took my steps up the stairs. Once again, Edward followed only a step behind, allowing me to hear his breathing and once in awhile his chest brushed up against my back causing me to jump slightly. I think I'm capable of walking up the stairs without such assistance. I think.

I cleared my throat as I reached the top of the stairs and Edward led the rest of the way down the hall. He stopped in front of one of the doors and opened it. He didn't step in though, just simply gripped onto the door frame. I thought he might just break it.

"So this is the guest room…" he didn't respond just simply waited for me to step in. Okay I'm not gonna trip stepping in a room. Maybe. Hopefully. I walked in the room and placed my bag on the night stand by the fluffy yet elegant looking bed. I ran my fingers across the smooth comforter and a wave of calm came over me. They reminded me of…

"_Look Bella, a new blankey! Mama bought you a soft purple blanket. Look it's a teddy bear on it! Here honey, feel it," _

I could distinctly remember the soft and smooth feel of the blanket. One of the very few things that I had left as a reminder that she was real, that she was there once, next to me, caring for me. I secretly kept it under my pillow every night I went to bed, reaching for it during those bad nights where I needed to find comfort, solace. I gasped as I felt a tug on my already strained heart. Here I am, twenty-two years old and I'm about to break apart at the touch of a blanket.

I heard his feet shuffle but it stopped shortly. I took a deep breath and let it out, putting on a meaningless smile that I hoped he would take and leave me be. I turned around to face him but the look in his eyes startled me. My almost fail-proof barrier became invisible under his eyes that yearned for some sort of truth, openness. This was utter nonsense, I was baffled at how exposed I suddenly felt. This is unreal. It doesn't make sense. Why… why can't I block him out…?

"Is everything okay?" My inner voice laughed, a bittersweet reverence. His words could be seen through as well. He could have easily been talking about the room, how I liked it, if I had everything I needed. But that wasn't it. He saw right through me, his smoldering green eyes shot right through me and read me like a book. I knew. And I was flustered. I didn't like being exposed like this, so unexpected, out of my control. It was such a subtle moment too. How could he have possibly…

"I'm fine," I snapped. It came out colder than I expected, I felt the sting after it as well. "I'm… I think could use a little nap maybe… um I need to call back Rose. Thanks for helping me find the room. I think I'm good now." If I was high off of Edward earlier, I definitely wanted to cut him out now.

Thankfully, he took my hint and nodded, "You're welcome." He looked at me with those emerald green eyes once again before slowly closing the door behind him.

My legs gave out from underneath me and I plopped down onto the floor. I covered my mouth afraid that any noise might escape and ran a hand through my hair, pulling at it nervously, not knowing what to do with my shaking hands.

This is crazy.

This can't be. My protective barrier. The wall blocking me from everyone else, all the unknowns of the world. I felt it, it was there now, securely locked into place like any other time. But moments ago, what happened to it? I felt completely bare. Like he was reading me…

I wanted to run, I wanted to hide. NO. I'm Bella Swan, I don't do vulnerable anymore. I won't. I'm done with it!

I was trembling now and I felt the tears trickle down my face, my emotional stamina betraying my screaming inner voice.

_Save me, I'm lost_

_Oh lord, I've been waiting for you_

_I'll pay any cost_

_Save me from being confused_

_Show me what I'm looking for_

_Show me what I'm looking for_

_Oh, lord_

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**Sigh. That was quite draining to write. Hope to hear from you all ;)**


	3. See Through

**A/N: Sorry guys, this one took a longer time to write. It's a slow and painful process for B&E. I know people are often looking for "lemons" right off the start but I'm so thankful to have a group of readers who are willing to go along with me through story. Currently I have five favorites and five story alerts for this story. Once again, everytime I see that someone's added me to their list, I get so excited, I think I literally squealed last time when I got two reviews. This chapter gets a bit more complicated. You'll see =)**

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**Chapter 3**

_Alone. I found myself all alone in a dark empty space. No matter how many times I blinked my eyes, I couldn't get them to adjust to the darkness. I was crawled up on the floor, my senses heightened to the max to the unknown surrounding. I wanted to cry out for help, ask someone to save me, to take me into the light. But somehow, I had a feeling no one would hear me, that my voice had betrayed me at the most critical time. And I was afraid. Afraid that even if I did cry out, the wrong person would hear me. Someone who had put me in the darkness in the first place… _

"_Isabella…" a voice whispered. I gasped, shaking uncontrollably in fear of who was there with me. "Sweetheart," it didn't seem genuine, a strained, ominous female voice spoke out to me, "Your Isabella Dwyer," the voice echoed throughout the room._

"_Bella, honey," I turned my head around searching for the voice, a different voice, a more calm and doting voice… but it seemed the same as the last, the resonance of the voice… I just couldn't tell. "We're a real family. Charlie's your daddy, remember that sweetheart."_

"_Bella, your mom won't be back for a while…" my eyes suddenly welled with tears. I remembered those words distinctly. From Charlie… his voice so sullen, so broken, so empty._

_There was a growing chatter behind me though I couldn't see, I could only hear. A group of women, whispering discreetly, "Did you hear about Renee? That crazy finally left. I was wondering how long until they had to send her off some place." _

"_Yeah poor child though. And goodness Charlie must be a mess." _

_I was convulsing with tears, unable to catch my breath and shaking erratically. I screamed out in torturous pain from the overwhelming utterance of voices of my past. My throat strained from the screeching noise that emerged from within. But they wouldn't stop. The voices, the darkness. _

_Then suddenly it all ceased. I was drained, the room was now a blinding white. I was soaking with sweat in a sheer white gown and I felt myself fading away…_

"Bella! Bella! Wake up! It's just a dream. Come on. Bella!" I heard a voice in the distance. Another familiar voice, but not one from the past.

Help. That's all I wanted to say. Pick me up off this cold ground, out of this room. Perhaps maybe even out of this world. I felt myself breathing heavily, soaked with perspiration as my eyes began to flutter.

Seconds later another voice chimed in, "Get her a cold towel and grab my bag in the office!" I slowly regained my senses seeing a slight blur of blonde hair in front of me and feeling myself limp and lifeless in the arms of someone.

"I'm… I'm not Isabella Dwyer, she had to leave, I'm okay, I just… I have to go away, I-" I began to mumble incoherent thoughts, still disoriented from my dream. It was a dream… right?

But it felt like someone had played a tape recording of my past, mocking me, trying to pull me back into the dark.

"Shh, you're okay. I just need you to wake yourself up. Can you sit up a bit?" I felt my back slowly being lifted into a sitting position. I adjusted my eyes and looked around the room. I almost passed out again seeing so many faces in front of me. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and a blonde bombshell with a stern look on her face, Alice and a young gentleman with a calming presence, and _Edward_. My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets staring in shock at the many faces that I was sure were judging me by now.

"Okay everyone go back downstairs. Bella just needs a little space." Carlisle pointed towards the door and one by one every one left the room in silence. Except _him_. His eyes lingered on mine and slowly worked its way down my body as if he was assessing the state of condition I was in.

"Here." His voice was strained and his body stiff as he handed Carlisle what seemed like a wet hand towel and a case of pills. Not once did his eyes leave mine. I looked at him with questioning eyes. _You don't know anything. Go away._ And as if he read my mind, he immediate jerked away and stormed out of the room. Super senses…

I felt a brush of coolness across my forehead as Carlisle began to dab it with the towel. "Another bad dream? Maybe the floor wasn't the best place to take a nap," he smiled.

"I- I don't know what happened. I made it to the room and he left and then I blacked out…" My voice was still faint from all the startle.

"Who?" Carlisle raised his eyebrow.

"Um… Ed… Edward. He brought me to the room and um…" I avoided his gaze as he placed the towel down. My eyes caught the attention of the case of pills sitting between us.

He immediately noticed the direction of my eyes and picked it up. "These, I'd much prefer if you didn't have to take them right now. You took some this morning didn't you." It was more of a statement than a question. I simply nodded.

"Would you like to go sit in the den for a little while? I'd say getting a bit of fresh air would be a good idea but the weather isn't really accommodating outside. But the den offers a great view of the backyard, clear your mind a little," he patted my shoulder and helped me up.

He led me towards the door but I abruptly stopped in my track. I looked down at my appearance, my white cotton long-sleeve wrinkled and damp. I ran my hand through my hair now tangled and also damp releasing the strawberry scent of my shampoo.

"Would you like a change of clothing? I'm sure Alice has plenty to spare. In fact, I know that Alice has a closet full of untouched clothes," the kind and gentle man chuckled.

"Um, would that be too much trouble? I don't want to bother her, I could just wear whatever she has, a sweatshirt or something." I fidgeted with my hands, slightly blushing.

"Oh no, no, no Bella. I should warn you, Alice might go a little overboard with offering you with her clothes. You just watch," he winked and I followed him out the door and into the hallway. I looked up to make sure I wouldn't bump into Carlisle but I did just that. Because _he_ came into view again.

Edward seemed to head towards us but didn't look up. He ran his fingers through his hair in such a strenuously motion, it almost looked painful.

"Edward is Alice in her room? Or should I say is Alice not preoccupied with Jasper long enough to let Bella borrow a shirt."

Edward look stunned, a flinch of his face notifying the displeasure in imagining his sister being "preoccupied" in her room with who I imagined must have been the man standing next to her earlier. "Yeah I think she's in her room. I wouldn't trust going in there though. Do you just want a sweatshirt of mine for the meanwhile?" the question seemed so casual, but I've always thought of wearing a man's clothing as an intimidate gesture.

"Bella? Would that be too uncomfortable for you? Actually I could always ask Esme," Carlisle turned towards the stairs but my response came faster than I expected.

"No it's fine!" the two men both faced me with a similar grin on their faces "I don't want to bother anyone. I'm really fine with whatever, not like I'm going out anywhere." I immediately bit my lip trying to draw all my anxiety into the pain that I was inflicting on myself by piercing through my skin. I almost lost myself at the thought of self inflicted pain but my lip was pulled out from my teeth by a smooth, cool touch of someone's fingertips. I gasped at the contact my hands immediately went to my lips. I lifted my gaze to see Edward's eyebrows furrowed and staring at me with concern.

"You really shouldn't do that." It wasn't a suggestion. It seemed more like an order, like a command. His voice was stern yet it was still a luxurious velvet resonance ringing through my ears.

Carlisle cleared his throat drawing me out of any further awe of the creature standing before me. Perfection sought after every inch of his body, his presence. Even his ability to stir actual emotions within me. That part made me unsettled. I felt unnerved and somewhat angry that I wasn't able to keep myself in check in front of him. Or practically anyone in this house for that matter…

"Edward why don't you give her one of your shirts for the meanwhile and Bella I'd like to talk to you in the den in a little bit. I'll give you some time to yourself." With that said, Carlisle softened in his doctor demeanor and offered a sympathetic smile.

"My room's back down the hallway." Without missing another beat he walked down the hallway and opened the door exactly opposite of the room I was in. Realization struck me then that he would've heard everything from behind the doors. He would've heard my frantic mumbling and heart wrenching screams first. He was the closest person that heard my crying out for help. And surely, he would have come into my room first. He was the closest thing I had… for any hope of being saved, taken out of my dream.

"_Bella! Bella! Wake up! It's just a dream. Come on. Bella!" I heard a voice in the distance. Another familiar voice, but not one from the past. _

I gasped at the vision of my now conscious mind. It was him. There was no other voice like his, none as smooth and comforting even through the evident distress in his voice at the time. Without knowing words slipped out of my mouth. "You."

Edward stopped dead in his tracks, glaring into my eyes with an ice cold look. He was so hot and cold. Perhaps I have finally met someone who could match my inability to sustain one state of mind. "Come in and grab a shirt." Yet another commanding tone.

I absentmindedly took my steps to his door. I hesitated whether or not I should actually go in.

"I said come in and grab a shirt didn't I?" Alright, now he sounded like an ass.

I looked around his room. Clean and orderly. A bed in the corner by the window, a black desk with an assortment of books, a shelf above the desk with an impressive collection of CD's it seemed like. The walls were painted a beautiful shade of blue, not too dark, not too light. Then something caught me off guard, a keyboard sitting in front of his window. Unknowingly, an image of Edward came to mind…sitting on a chair looking out at the world through the window, telling the story of his soul through the music he makes with the touch of his fingers against the coolness of the black and white keys. My eyes moved away from that area and landed directly on Edward. I felt a tug at my heart and a gasp escaped from my lips.

"I think I'm fine." I turned away, not trusting myself to stay in his sight nor have him be in mine. Suddenly I felt my armed tugged back as I stumbled backwards into his room. He tensely shut the door.

"You're soaked in sweat in a white shirt. You know I can see through everything. I'm sure you could use something to cover up." He never let go of the grasp he hand on my arm and the double meaning behind his words didn't go unnoticed.

I shrugged out of his grasp and I gave a look of warning. My inner strength had just decided to make itself known. "Maybe I want to be seen through." Edward looked caught off guard, finally. Then the cold face returned yet again.

"So why are you still covered up?" He took a step closer to me, closing in the already nonexistent space between us. I felt a shock of electricity run through even from the touch of the strands of our clothing. I instinctively took a step back looking everywhere else but the pool of emerald green beckoning me to come out.

I took a deep breath and gulped, letting out a shaky exhale. "Because you wouldn't want to see what's really underneath. I'm… I'm doing you a favor." _A favor? I'm doing the guy a favor? Like he hasn't witnessed enough to realize you're a mentally insecure, anxiety-ridden girl in need of his father's help. _

Without taking his eyes off me, he reached behind him and pulled out a shirt from a drawer. He placed it on my chest and I reached for it. A blue cotton shirt.

"You're not doing anyone a favor. But if you're going to cover up for the sake of someone else, try a less transparent disguise. A white see-through shirt?" he scoffed, "You're not fooling anyone, especially shrieking on top of your lungs right across the room."

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" I snapped. I couldn't retain the anger he triggered inside me. Once again, any control I had over my emotions was long forgotten.

"Someone who's offering you a shirt to cover yourself up again. I don't know if it's for your sake or my sake," the last few words were barely audible. He took yet another step towards me, this time I didn't bother to move. I wanted to prove something. Like I wasn't afraid to back down, that I didn't feel like I had to cover myself up for my sake or for his sake.

"Bellaaaaaaa! Oh my gosh why didn't you come to me if you needed a shirt? Are you still in the room?" A light and whimsical voice chimed in from the other side of the door. Our bodies froze in place, heads turned in the direction of where the voice was coming from.

Still clutching onto his shirt, I reluctantly pushed it back in his hands and let go. "I guess I won't be needing this." Without another glance, I reached for the door knob, pausing briefly to ponder looking back at his face once again, to say something more… but I stopped myself. I walked out of his room and shut the door behind me.

"Oh there you are! But… why were you in Edward's room…?" Alice's tone was full of curiosity.

"Um, he offered me a shirt because I couldn't find you but it didn't fit so…" _Right, it didn't fit… I could only assume it wouldn't have fit. _

"Well I have plenty of shirts you can choose from! Though… your shirt seems fine… Dad said it was wet or something. It seems completely dry, can't see through a thing. Oh well, you probably want something more comfy anyway. Come on!"

_It seems completely dry, can't see through a thing… _Her words echoed through my mind and I took a look at my now opaque shirt. Why was it that he caught me in a see-through moment and to everyone else… I was like a brick wall? Super senses… that's it. He has some sort of… out of realm power… it's not just me he does this to. It can't be.

Bella Swan get your fucking head straight. Before I could even gather a plan as to how exactly I was supposed to do just that, Alice pulled me along with her to her bedroom. "Oh oh! You wouldn't be opposed to a little touch up here and there. Just for fun. Oh pleaaaaaase!"

How old was she again? "Um… I really don't think it's necessa-" I couldn't even finish my sentence before she started pouting right in my face. I couldn't help but let out a huff of laughter, "I guess it wouldn't hurt. It won't hurt right?" I was being serious.

"Well I suppose you don't need your eyebrows plucked or anything. So no." she smiled.

Before we walked all the way into her room, the man who stood next to Alice earlier stepped out of the room. "Jasper I'll be a while. I mean, just a short little while," Alice winked and gave him a peck on the cheek earning a graceful laugh from him.

He gave me a sympathetic nod but not for the reasons I would usually think, "I'm sorry, Alice might get carried away with 'just letting you borrow one of her shirts' I'm sure someone in this family will go and retrieve you if you're not out in half an hour."

I couldn't even get in a word before Alice pulled me in excitedly. But it wasn't fast enough to stop me from catching a glimpse of the bronze-haired beauty… or beast that saw through me… step out of his room looking disheveled. We locked our eyes on each other for as long as a blink of an eye. Then I slipped away, now looking for something less transparent to cover up with. I internally laughed and scolded myself for taking his advice.

"_You're not doing anyone a favor. But if you're going to cover up for the sake of someone else, try a less transparent disguise."_

"So what do you think about this shirt?" Alice held up a shirt directly in front of my eyes, all thoughts of him blinded by another blue shirt. But with a snow angel. "I never actually wore this shirt, but Edward got it for me a while ago. I had this obsession with angels a while back. It's a beautiful shirt, it's a shame it hasn't been worn. Edward told me something about how snow angels are beautiful when the person who makes them is still lying there, but once they step out, it ruins the perfect shape, and then it's not an angelic beauty anymore. Just an empty mold. Well that just about turned my obsession with angels. Anyway it's a really soft shirt, and pretty. I think it would look great on you, with your skin tone and everything. Come on go try it on," Without another word she placed the shirt in my hands and pushed me into her gigantic closet.

So that's what a snow angel meant to Edward Cullen… Snow angels were all I had left in my memory of the good times I had with Renee. Until she left… until she was gone. The first snow fall every year she'd take me outside disregarding Charlie's warning about catching a cold. And we did every time, but that didn't stop us. We'd plop into the snow and flap our arms and legs to see who could make a bigger snow angel. Our giggles never stopped and I secretly prayed that I could turn into a snow angel and bring happiness to my mother every day. All those nights that I snuck out of bed and found her leaning against the sink in the bathroom, convulsing with tears and indecipherable utterances trembling from her lips while Charlie hovered over her, trying to get her still and handing her what seemed like a cocktail of pills. That night was the start of my double life: a life full of things I could know and a life full of things I had to pretend I didn't know. I always had the possibilities of the unknown constantly looming over me. I didn't want know that there was always another side, a darker side. But somehow, I always found myself walking in at the wrong times, listening in at the wrong times… speaking out at the wrong times. Always too soon or too late.

_Please, don't take this away from me too. Just pretend. Pretend that the snow angel lying in the snow… is flawless. So that the only good memories I have of her can remain untainted… just please…_ _Edward_.

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**Thanks guys! Let me know what you think. Please get me through my midterm week -_- Also check out my other story "The Story" (haha) it's more playful, I think lol. **

**Love,**

**~B~**


	4. Just Breathe

**Chapter 4**

I sat waiting on the comfy and seemingly well used couch in the den. It was surprisingly warm in the room. But then again there was a fireplace in the den… Then again, the only other den I've known is the den back at Charlie's house which didn't have a fire place. During the winter I'd put on layers of clothes and carry my precious blanket into the den despite the chill temperature in the room. I'd always get scolded for sitting in there, practically asking to catch a cold. But it had the best view of the backyard which would become a winter wonderland as it snowed.

"I always loved this room. Especially in the winter when it snows." Carlisle's coincidentally similar thoughts to mine elicited a small smile to form from the corner of my lips.

"There's a den back at Charlie's house too. I was just thinking the same thing you were. "

I felt the couch sink down slightly as Carlisle took a seat beside me and placing two cups of coffee on the small coffee table.

"Do you plan on visiting him anytime soon?"

I let out a long sigh and turned to face him. As always, his face showed no judgment, only care and concern.

"Would it be weird to point out that I feel like I'm just talking to a trusty confidant, like a guardian rather than a doctor when I talk with you?" We both laughed but the question still lingered in the air.

I ran my hand through my hair but quickly pulled it out once I realized it was a frequent action Edward inhabited from the short time I'd observed him. Ok maybe "observing" isn't the right word…

"Bella I hope you realize any doubts you may have regarding your current situation, how you feel, the things you're thinking, they're only a minor set-back. I want you to practice maintaining the mentality that you _can_ get past your past. Live in the here and now. That will probably be your biggest challenge but it's not impossible. In fact I see improvement already in the way you're not afraid to talk about little things of the past. In order to let go, you have to let those thoughts out instead of trapping them in your head. And of course you have to face some things… some people from your past eventually as well…"

I knew and understood everything he was saying. I nodded my head in response and smiled. I just wished I could get myself to follow._ But pain is all you know Bella. The past is all you know. Treading in a pool of unknowns is what you've been doing all your life. What will you do once you remove yourself from all that. _I'll be fine. I'll be better. Right…? But what _will_ I do then?

"I know this isn't a subject we have really discussed in depth but do you think you can tell me a little more about your mother's history? Why exactly she left? I have a feeling that's been haunting your dreams still." His voice seemed comforting but the words were piercing through my ears.

Just like that, my clouded head was suddenly pitched black. I could slowly sense images of the dream creeping back into my brain. My entire body stiffened but my right hand unknowingly reached for the delicate snow angel figure on the front of my new shirt.

"Yo Pops, mom wants to talk to you." Suddenly it was as if I was jolted awake by a booming voice which I recognized now to be Emmett's. "Sorry Bella, but when Esme Cullen says she wants to talk, you gotta listen or you get the wrath of Esme." He winked at me as if he sensed the tense mood in the room.

Carlisle nodded understandingly and gave me an apologetic look. "I guess since you're right here in my own house my instinct is to help and talk to you every chance I get. I suppose you need some time to yourself just as much. Perhaps we can hold off till later tonight or tomorrow." He smiled that infamous Cullen smile and patted my shoulder before heading out of the den.

My thought process seemed a bit slow today considering it just registered my mind that he said "later tonight or tomorrow." Surely I wouldn't be spending the night here… maybe the roads are cleared by now and I could call Rose. I barely noticed that Emmett sat down on the arm of the couch when the sound of his voice filled the room again.

"So… word on the street is that you're best friends with Rosalie." He had a goofy smirk on his face that made me want to laugh out of nowhere, but his smirk couldn't compare to Edward's. God how the hell did Edward get in my head again?

I decided to play dumb and see what he had to say, "Oh, do you know her?"

He seemed stunned at my comment, "She never told you about me?!"

I tried to stifle my laugh so I bit my cheeks. "No… sorry?"

"Aw, hell. Is she still with that ass Royce whatever? Damn. I know she's your friend and all and you're a chick but she is fiiiiine."

I almost splattered coffee all over myself when Emmett said that. Just oh so conveniently I was in the process of swallowing the liquid. Ok, so maybe Rose was right. He's a man whore. But I felt bad for thinking that when I barely knew him. He just seemed like a big, soft, huggable teddy bear. And it wasn't like he was the first to say something like that about Rose. Plus it wasn't like he was lying. Rosalie Hale was blonde, beautiful, and bodacious. Everything I was not. She was almost the complete opposite of me yet she was my best friend. She had a heart of gold. You just have to break the layer of ice that covers it first…

My thoughtful moment of silence must have alarmed Emmett because suddenly he was backtracking and mumbling, "Uh Bella? Sorry that probably wasn't the right thing to say. It's just… guh… uh… I've kind of a had a thing for Rosalie for a really long time. She really never talked about me? Not even a little bit?"

Aw hell, I think my heart just melted for Emmett. All my other draining thoughts went out the window and all I could think now was how Rose could turn down a man like him. _She did mention how she liked his body…._

"Well… shesaidyouhadafinebody!" Oh god Rose is gonna kill me, "You never heard that from me."

Instantly Emmett's entire face lit up like a kid in a candy store, "Ah, so I do have a chance huh?" I shook my head and laughed, a true, genuine laugh. Hmmm, I'm starting to like this guy. "Thanks for the info. I don't mean anything offensive by saying this but… you don't seem anything remotely close to all the crazies that come to see dad. "

Crazy? I'm crazy. Of course. I mean you don't really count someone who comes to see a psychiatrist on a weekly basis quite normal. But his words a reassuring nonetheless. Perhaps I do stand a chance at least appearing normal…

"Um… thanks…?" I ran my finger alone the rim of the coffee cup and then decided to head back in. "Hey Emmett? If you don't have anything to do… maybe you could show me around the house? I feel like I'm gonna get lost at one point or another."

He smiled brightly and helped me up. "Woah you're like as light as a feather."

I knew he was just teasing but it was true. I'd lost a lot of weight, it was kind of sickening. I hated looking at myself in the mirror so I avoided that at all costs. Images of earlier in the day flashed through my mind. Me staring at my much too lifeless face in the mirror… dark circles under my eyes. I could only stare at myself for so long before I lost it. And now… well now I'm stuck in the doctor's house. What does that say?

Emmett graciously gave me a tour of the house going into each room whether the perspective owner of the room may have minded or not. I really resisted going into Carlisle and Esme's room but Emmett practically picked me up and took me in there. REALLY awkward.

"I think this is where Edward was conceived." Emmett pointed to the giant, lavish, King sized bed then started laughing. "So traditional. Man mom and dad were a lot more adventurous conceiving me I bet. Maybe that's why Edward's such a prude." Woah what?!

I squirmed and I'm positive I was blushing. Maybe this house touring this wasn't a good idea…

"Edward! Will you find Bella and let her know dinner is ready?" I head Esme's bell chime voice ringing through the house from downstairs.

Wait. Edward? Finding me? Here? Bad combination. Suddenly I was frantic to get out here, I'm sure we shouldn't have been here in the first place. "Um Emmett?"

"Huh? What?" Emmett was still recovering from his laughing fit.

"I think they're looking for us." I pointed towards the door.

"Oh shit! Mom's gonna kill me if she finds us here," My eyes instantly bulged, I wasn't sure whether to be scared or angry that Emmett insisted on showing me literally EVERY single room in the house. Except Edward's… but I'd already been in there so I guess it really didn't matter.

I snapped back into reality as soon as Emmett dragged me out of the room and back towards the hallway. Of course with my luck, we bumped right into Edward.

"What the hell were you two doing in there?" Edward looked incredulous. I suppose the situation didn't look that great. But I wasn't expecting him to be mad… Emmett was just showing me around.

"Relax bro. I was just showing Bella around the house. Particularly the place where you were conceived," Emmett had the guts to smirk at Edward. I commended him for that, in my head, because I was barely able to breathe under Edward's fiery gaze.

"Dinner's ready." His reply was short and snappy.

"Oh hell yes!" Emmett all but ran down the stairs like a dog chasing after a bone.

Edward and I were still standing there for a few tense moments before he turned towards the stairs.

"I- I'm not really hungry. I'm just gonna go back to the room and call Rose. Will you please send Esme my thanks but that I'm just not in the mood to eat…?" I gave him my most convincing smile.

He didn't look convinced. "When was the last time you ate something? A mean I mean." His tone was a bit starker than I could tolerate.

Was he really questioning my eating? "Excuse me?"

"You look emaciated even in that shirt." I could've sworn his voice softened when he saw that I was wearing the shirt he'd bought Alice. Maybe he was offended… but he didn't have to point out my frail figure, I'm well aware of that already.

"Alice lent it to me…"

"No, it's all yours." Alice's pixie figure appeared out of her room with her man not far behind. "Doesn't she look good in it Edward?" she beamed.

Edward's eyes were still transfixed on my shirt. Or at least I hoped it was the shirt he was looking at and not my… no way Swan, get your head straight.

"Alice I bought that shirt for _you_." His voice was strained but still held its velvety tone.

"I'm sorry I can take it off if you want," I was slightly panicked that I didn't even realize how that had sounded. Everyone raised their eyebrows in response. "I mean not like that! I could wear a different shirt." I felt my cheeks flush yet again.

"Wow Bella, I never took you as being so forward," Alice winked. "Come one Jazz I smell mom's signature lasagna." With that she practically skipped down the steps with Jasper in hand.

I'd barely noticed that Edward was now sporting a smirk on his face while I was trying to shake myself from the embarrassment.

"So you'd take off the shirt if I wanted to, huh?"

Holy hell, green-eyed god wanting me to take my shirt off? Didn't he know I was his father's psycho patient? Ok maybe not psycho… just… troubled, a lot. I think I need my meds now.

"Given that I'd be given another shirt to change into yes." I looked down at the floor, avoiding his gaze at all costs.

"Edward? Are you coming down with Bella sweetheart?" Esme's voice carried up the stairs.

Without taking his eyes off me he yelled in the direction, "Bella's decided to sleep. I'm gonna pass on dinner, I'm not all that hungry for lasagna anymore."

I can't take this anymore. I darted towards my temporary room. I didn't care what I looked like, though I must have looked like an idiot but I had to get away from his presence. Something about being near him…

Just as I was turning the door knob I felt his breath behind me.

"Bella-"

I gripped onto the door knob for dear life, afraid my knees would buckle right under me. "Edward, please, I just need to be alone." My voice was shaky but I hoped it was enough to get away from him.

A few more tingling breaths down my neck later, I felt him whisper, "Okay."

I abruptly opened the door without looking back and entered the room. I closed the door behind me then slid back against it to the ground. My breaths were hot and heavy and I felt slightly dizzy. What _was_ that?

From behind the door I heard slow footsteps padding across the floor then a door closing.

Edward Cullen. What is he doing to me?

I leaned my head against the door and tried to catch my breath. I didn't have the energy to reach for my phone which was now buzzing and flashing. All I could think about his hot yet heavenly breath against the back of my neck, how I'd immediately felt his presence behind me and the electrifying tension as he stood behind me leaving only so much space between us. I grasped at my chest, over my heart as if it had suddenly come alive after all these years.

I managed to pull myself off the floor and onto the bed. All I heard were my now steady breaths which only led me to think more about Edward and the moment we had a few minutes ago. I didn't know how much time had passed but all I kept thinking about was _him_.

Snow had always brought me good memories. But today… I wasn't sure what to think about the events that snow had led me to…

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**A/N: It's been a while... I just couldn't find the inspiration or energy to write. Sorry guys. But during that time I wasn't writing, I came across some truly inspirational and amazing stories. Check out Holding Out For you by ObsessingOverEdward, Upper East Side Story by adia90, Code of Conduct by MandyLeigh87, and Code of Conduct by SydneyAlice**

**Reviews? **


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